I am not having the greatest day. For some reason, I am just not happy. Not just today really but generally. I do not feel like myslef. I don't have any of the energy I used to have and I feel like I am not good company. I am worrying to much about everything and now I am going to start worrying about his too. I need a therapist or a vacation. Anyway. Today I went to school to ignore the teachers again. In the afternoon I did some little stuff again and worked very unproductively on my paper. After history we went by Joanna's cousins and picked up our oil. And then we went to Vicky to pick up my laudry. We had to come home though because we thought we were going out with her Joanna's aunt but instead she just dropped by to say hi. So me and Joanna actually cooked some food. We waited around because we were supposed to go out with the girls but nobody called. So instead of working on my paper, I am going to go to sleep so maybe it can help a little.
This is the first post where I actually express knowing that something is wrong. I'm sure I thought it long before I wrote it. Prior to re-wroting this post, I was noticing how information focused my posts were and how there was no talk of feelings what so ever. I definitely had them. Was that because I did not want to express them or because I did not realize what they were? This is just over a month into my trip and three months before the end. What if I had acted on this when I first admitted to it? How would that have changed the course of this trip? The course of my life? I was so afraid to say it out loud that I need help. I was so afraid to admit that I had messed up.
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